Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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