Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
