Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
