I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
