She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
