i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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