You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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