And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
