lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
