dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
