he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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