since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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