Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
