She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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