I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need water and some morals
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
