Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
