Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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