To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
