where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
