Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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