I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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