Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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