dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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