My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
