Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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