his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
