i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here