I cockslap morals
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?