pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
