I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
