i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
