So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
