We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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