I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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