turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
