can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
