see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
