One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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