I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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