I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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