I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
