ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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