i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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