Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
