Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
