Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
