The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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