I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
