i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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