so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had sex on a roof
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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