His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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