did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
