He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
