How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you didnt know i had herpes?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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