I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
