Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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