don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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