69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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