Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
