Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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